The Goonies: A Reluctant Form of Birth Control for Childless Millennials
The Goonies: A Reluctant Form of Birth Control for Childless Millennials

Published: June 7, 2025

The Goonies, a classic film released in 1985, is celebrating its 40th anniversary. While it's a revered classic that has stood the test of time, a recent rewatch made one childless millennial grateful I don't have kids of my own yet.

The film, directed by Richard Donner and written by Steven Spielberg and Chris Columbus, follows a group of misfit kids as they go on one last adventure to find a legendary treasure before their beloved "Goon Docks" is taken over and turned into a country club.

The film is chaotic from the get-go, showcasing a group of kids who are loud, rowdy, and constantly talking over each other. It's a phenomenon that the filmmakers translated so well on screen, making me want to turn down the volume and tell them all to pipe down.

Even Key Huy Quan, who played Data, spoke about the franticness of the film during an episode of Dax Shepard's Armchair Expert podcast, saying, "We drove [director Richard] Donner crazy. We were, like, constantly jumping on him, screaming on set, overlapping each other all the time."

Quan revealed that Donner used the cast's vibrant energy to fuel the film's vibe, saying, "Back then, it was unheard of to do a movie where you have overlapping dialogue because of the editing. You always one actor finish their dialogue before another actor says his. But we were kids, and we were just talking over one another. The sound guy said, 'We can't have this.' And [he was told] 'Shut up. Just let them be kids. Just let them enjoy themselves,' and that's what we did. We were just being ourselves."

The genius of The Goonies is in its ability to encapsulate that pre-teen/early teen angst. Nothing rings more true than the trope of the restless adolescent. It's the unhinged curiosity, the innocence of never having extreme consequences, and the desire to constantly hang out with your friends that makes this movie a treat for kids and a migraine-inducing nightmare for childless millennials like me.

Overarching the entire film, of course, is the idea that the Goonies are clearly a safe space for each other. Their beloved neighborhood is being pillaged by greedy corporations, and they band together to eventually save it.

Rewatching the film 40 years after its release as a childless millennial, it made me remember that there really is no need to rush into having kids because once we're past that cute little baby phase, you have to parent a human. And given the fact I, myself, am just a baby, we can put a pin in that for now.

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